It sucks to have emotions when you don’t understand what they are

My eyes water from behind
The hidden tears tickle the back of my eyeballs
It sucks to have emotions when you don't understand what they are
I want to be sad but there's nothing in my heart to make a "sad"
I want to be angry but all my energy is lost lying on my bedroom floor over-thinking.
I can't feel anything, "Daddy why can I feel love?"
I have no father.
My fists rope in, my knuckles lash out
My heart scrunches up like a sponge, heavy and soaked
Yet I haven't showered for days
My skin is thin, dry and cracked.
I feel frustrated
AM I human?
Am I normal?
A question that has no answer.
The voices are there but they only ask more questions.
My head hurts.
Anger turns to passion.
Stubbornness turns to determination.
What I feel leads to constipation.
I love too fast, I get enraged too late,
I lose faith immediately, I never end up satisfied.
I end up back in the abyss each time
welcomed, greeted
paraded by the only people who seem to know me,
paraded by the only people who seem to notice me,
The individual voices of all my thoughts.